Mike's Question.

Mike asked: Do you seriously think that people in Rural Ireland wil go to a strip tease act in their local pub?

That's a good question Mike and the answer, according to our market research, is - Yes!
The results of a questionaire we circulated show that the top five entertainments people would like to see in their local are:

5: Big Tom and The Mainliners. (after 33 years at number 1, how times have changed.)

4: A Seance. (Talking to the dead is as popular as ever.)

3: Topless Mud Wrestling. (There was a pub in a village not far away that tried to liven up the atmosphere with topless mud wrestling a few years ago, it was a massive sucess but had to be stopped because it was disturbing the game of 25 that was taking place in the corner.)

2: 25 Drive. (The old reliable, but the top prize of a turkey is under review. Suggestions are welcome. Any ideas - Please leave a comment.)

1: Strippers. (We were as surprised as anyone but that's what they want. We'll just have to wait and see how it goes. Although, I have to admit, it is hard to imagine Pat from over the bridge and old Tommy from the hill having a discussion about the price of buttermilk in 1952 while Bernie -(The Bouncer)- McGettigan is getting her kit off in front of them.

Strippers Wanted

Poor aul Pa Brophy reckons he’ll have to close our local because the takings were down badly over the Christmas. Tommy and meself have been racking our brains on this one but we reckon a few strippers could be the answer. We don’t want to be sexy about this so both men and women are needed. All ye hunky men and feisty women out there can send your entries to Tommy and myself. We may have to compile a shortlist and conduct interviews before making our final selection......
FOR THE REST OF THIS WEEK'S COLUMN CHECK OUT, www.mayoadvertiser.ie OR GET YOURSELF A HARD COPY OF THE PAPER

The Fella on the right with the sheep.

Yes, that is indeed Georgie Gilmartin, he was a bit of a ponce I’ll give you that, but that picture doesn’t show him at his best or tell the whole story. It is true that he had not a sheep to his name but that is only because he was allergic to them and came out in a rash if one was near, and this was why he had to wear the cotton dresses.
If you look closely at the picture you will se a relation of your own Larry – Paddy the Fish. So called because he had not yet fully evolved. Sure my family were developing a tolerance for alternative cultures before your family had managed to crawl out of the swamp. Some say ye didn't get far from it anyways.
No offence.

The Garda Phone Prank

Tommy did you see where the local paper has just found out that someone played a trick on the guards with two mobile phones. Sure that was up on the internet on 25th December 2006 on http://www.gingerpixel.com You know what they say Tommy, better never than late.