Ask Uncle Larry

Dear Larry,
The wife spoke to me yesterday for the first time in the last year. She says she is not enjoying our regular sex on a Saturday night. I felt so traumatised I’ve gone back on the drink. Trouble is she will have a lot more to say now when she finds out about my drinking. What can I do Larry?

Traumatised in Turlough

FOR LARRY'S REPLY CHECK OUT PAGE 8 OF THE MAYO ADVERTISER www.mayoadvertiser.com OR GET YOURSELF A HARD COPY.

Traveller Shoot after Mass on Sunday

Welcome to the Wild Wild West!!
Well I’m glad ye saw the funny side of it up your end. It’s far more serious down here. Paddy McGudgen the secretary of the GAA club has teamed up with Charlie Heston from the Gun Club and they are organising a traveller shoot after mass on Sunday. They reckon it will be an annual event and there will be a season for it just like there is for shooting duck. The season will start every year on the 4th October and run until Christmas Day. Nally will be down on Sunday to fire the first shot. There was talk that he had sold thaul’ gun on ebay for a six figure sum, some Museum for the death of Justice and Fairness in America was said to have bought it. He definitely has the gun back Tommy and he’s ready to roll.

Nally Verdict Sparks Unrest in the Village.

Never mind the floods Larry, Everything has gone to hell here in the past twenty four hours. No sooner had the Nally verdict been announced than half the village put on their cowboy outfits and started a whoopin' an' a hollerin'. The rule of law has lost it's grip on the place - I knew putting all them guards in Ballinaboy was a bad idea. Thank God for Matty McGoulder, he always wanted to be a sherriff and has had an American accent since the age of five (even though he hates yanks). Well, he's shaping up to be a fine sherriff, - here we see him breaking up a bit of a scuffle between the Billy Molloy and the Francie Brennan down by the old well. It's amazing how things have changed overnight - where did all the tumblweed come from?

That's your shack in the back Larry, it looks well since you had it done up last spring.

Campaign for Special Rural Driving Test

Tommy, did you see that fellow who put that comment on your bit about How things are up your end - when I saw him first I thought he might be a Theologian or an Accountant but apparently he’s involved in politics. I was wondering if we might get him to launch the campaign for the launch of the special rural driving test that incorporates drink driving as part of it. He’d probably do it for nothing whereas if we got Eamon Dunphy down or managed to resuscitate Shane McGowan they would both probably charge a fee. What do you reckon Tommy? We’re still flooded down this end, there’s swans swimming below at the cross and the council have closed the road. The forecast is not looking great either.