Friday, January 5, 2007
The Picture of the Fellow with the Sheep over there on the Right
Jasus Tommy, I was wondering for a long time where that picture over there on the right painted by my great great grandfather went. So it was you that had it all along. Of course you know that that's a picture of a distant uncle of yours in the red jacket. Georgie, all dressed up in his tights. He was a great man for coming around the back door was Georgie. You'd think from that picture he was one of that shower that lived above in the big house and only an aul' hovel at him warmed by the breath of his two pigs. They're not even his sheep in that painting, sure he hadn't a sheep to his name.
Monday, January 1, 2007
What was New years day like in 1907? – I interviewed Peteen “The Awkward Bollox” McGonagle for some info.
Tommy: Howaya Peteen.
Peteen: Hah?
T: Howaya Peteen.
P: Hah?
T: HOWAYA PETEEN.
P: HOWAYA TOMMY.
T: ANY CHANCE YOU MIGHT TURN THE HEARING AID ON?
P: OK
T: Good Man. Tell us about New Years Eve 1907.
P: Who wants to know?
T: It’s me. Tommy Gilmartin, from the far bog. You’re nephew.
P: Oh, Mikey’s youngest son, the nosey little bollox with the girls hair, is it?
T: Er, yeah, I suppose so.
P: I never liked you.
T: Ok. Any chance you might tell us about New Years Eve 1907.
P: They said you were queer.
T: Lookat, I can go and talk to old Stevie Vaughan just as quick.
P: No doubt. He is queer too.
T: Allright, good luck. But there was a bit of cash in it.
P: New Years Eve 1907? Times was hard.
T: “Times was hard.” Look Peteen, I’m not a fucking yank y’know. I’m
asking about New Years Eve – not the conditions in the workhouse during the famine.
P: Fuck off so.
T: I will. And I’ll take the hundred and fifty euro fee with me.
P: New Years Eve 1907. I spent it in a hay barn hiding out from the Tans.
T: The Tans didn’t arrive until 1920.
P: Hah?
T: How old are you Peteen?
P: I’m 97. And I’m still as horny as a ram. (Don’t get any ideas.)
T: Ah for fucks sake!! You weren’t even born n 1907!
P: Or maybe I’m 107. I forget.
T: Yeah, well you can forget this too. Good luck.
Peteen: Hah?
T: Howaya Peteen.
P: Hah?
T: HOWAYA PETEEN.
P: HOWAYA TOMMY.
T: ANY CHANCE YOU MIGHT TURN THE HEARING AID ON?
P: OK
T: Good Man. Tell us about New Years Eve 1907.
P: Who wants to know?
T: It’s me. Tommy Gilmartin, from the far bog. You’re nephew.
P: Oh, Mikey’s youngest son, the nosey little bollox with the girls hair, is it?
T: Er, yeah, I suppose so.
P: I never liked you.
T: Ok. Any chance you might tell us about New Years Eve 1907.
P: They said you were queer.
T: Lookat, I can go and talk to old Stevie Vaughan just as quick.
P: No doubt. He is queer too.
T: Allright, good luck. But there was a bit of cash in it.
P: New Years Eve 1907? Times was hard.
T: “Times was hard.” Look Peteen, I’m not a fucking yank y’know. I’m
asking about New Years Eve – not the conditions in the workhouse during the famine.
P: Fuck off so.
T: I will. And I’ll take the hundred and fifty euro fee with me.
P: New Years Eve 1907. I spent it in a hay barn hiding out from the Tans.
T: The Tans didn’t arrive until 1920.
P: Hah?
T: How old are you Peteen?
P: I’m 97. And I’m still as horny as a ram. (Don’t get any ideas.)
T: Ah for fucks sake!! You weren’t even born n 1907!
P: Or maybe I’m 107. I forget.
T: Yeah, well you can forget this too. Good luck.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
2006 In The Village
Well, It’s the end of another year. Not a lot happened, again; but we have compiled a list of things anyway.
Most Talked about Woman in The Village: Mary Gilhooly – You could see a new spring in the step of every man in the village the day she paraded those new boobs in her tight pink top and you could hear the clunk of the jaw of every man in the village hitting the ground the day she moved in with that American lady.
Scandal of the year: Gary Cartey selling the sod of turf on E-Bay for 5 euro but charging 800 euro for postage to the States.
Entrepreneur of the year: Gary Cartey for selling a sod of turf to a yank on E-Bay for 5 euro but charging 800 euro for postage to the States.
To see more of this week's column check out page 6 of the Mayo Advertiser, www.mayoadvertiser.ie or get yourself a hard copy.
Most Talked about Woman in The Village: Mary Gilhooly – You could see a new spring in the step of every man in the village the day she paraded those new boobs in her tight pink top and you could hear the clunk of the jaw of every man in the village hitting the ground the day she moved in with that American lady.
Scandal of the year: Gary Cartey selling the sod of turf on E-Bay for 5 euro but charging 800 euro for postage to the States.
Entrepreneur of the year: Gary Cartey for selling a sod of turf to a yank on E-Bay for 5 euro but charging 800 euro for postage to the States.
To see more of this week's column check out page 6 of the Mayo Advertiser, www.mayoadvertiser.ie or get yourself a hard copy.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Whose turning Gay in the Village
The pink shirt and the roll neck jumper have been spotted on your clothes line today. You probably got them in the sales or something. Get rid of them within the next two weeks and nothing more will be said.
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