Saturday, February 10, 2007

Valentine’s Night Party

There’s a big night in Pa Brophy’s next Wednesday night. There’s male and female strippers lined up, Pa will be laying on the cocktail sausages, chips, chicken wings and sandwiches. Terry Hafner, the pioneer, will be using the secondary school bus to do a round of the village and collect everyone at 9:30pm after the news and weather and dropping everyone home at 12:30am. He has promised to give the bus a bit of a clean but sure the smell of hormonal teenagers might stir some of ye up a bit. Ye have no feckin’ excuse for not turning up. Be at yer gates in time. Ye can drink as much as ye want. Cover charge is €3, sure you wouldn’t insult a child by giving them that for sweets these days. The Department of Education is sponsoring the bus but we’ll say no more about that.
TO READ MORE OF THIS WEEK'S COLUMN SEE http://www.mayoadvertiser.ie

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Twenty Percent EXTRA FREE

Twenty Percent EXTRA FREE!!
“Sweet sufferin’ Mother o’ Jee...” That was the cry heard up and down the country this week as householders opened up their new and improved ESB bills.
20% extra free – but not for you.
The people in charge at the ESB have to live too – they have their own exorbitant ESB bills to pay.
But what can we do to keep the cost down?

Get rid of the telly.
There’s nothing wrong with sitting quietly. Think of the money you will save.

Turn off lights, even when you are in the room.
There’s nothing wrong with sitting quietly in the dark. Just think of the money you are saving.

Turn off the heat and put on your coat.
There’s nothing wrong with sitting quietly in the cold dark wearing a coat. Think of the money you are saving.

Stop taking showers.
After a few weeks the body will begin to naturally cleanse itself. Either that or you just get used to the smell.

Don’t use the washing machine.
After a few weeks you’re clothes will begin to naturally cleanse themselves.

Don’t boil a kettle.
There’s nothing wrong with sitting in a quiet, cold, dark room wearing a coat and drinking a cup of cold tea.

Get fit and cut your costs with a pedal power generator.
It’s basically an old bike connected up to a large dynamo, it doesn’t generate much electricity but it helps you pass the evening without any TV or lights.
To view the rest of this week's column see http://www.mayoadvertiser.ie

Friday, January 26, 2007

Church Care Team

Trials for the church care team will take place at 3.30pm next Sunday. Anyone interested can sign up in Pa Brophy’s at 3pm. Fr. Fiachra will be doing the judging. The first round will be shining the candleholders with a dry cloth; anyone found with a tin of brasso will be disqualified. Second round will be a stretching competition: who can reach the highest cobweb and the third round will be the really physical side of things. Ye’ll be put through yer paces by Fr. Fiachra, he’ll make ye run 3 laps of the high field while trying to shine chalices. Tea and sandwiches in Pa’s after the competition. All welcome. Proceeds from the event will go to the church spire restoration fund.
FOR MORE OF THIS WEEK'S COLUMN CHECK OUT THE MAYO ADVERTISER AT:
www.mayoadvertiser.ie

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Nature Report

When you think of all the things we take, without a second thought, from this beautiful land of ours: the rivers and lakes give us water to drink and fresh fish to eat, the rich earth grows our nutritious vegetables and the grass to feed our livestock so we can have meat to eat, grains for our bread and to feed our chickens who lay us eggs. We take, take, take, but do we ever give anything back?
I do. Three or four times a year I go up the bog and bury a trailer load of tin cans, glass and plastic bottles, old clothes, crockery, maybe an old bike or a broken TV, anything to hand really. Over time these will rust and rot away and enrich the surrounding soil with their goodness. It’s a long term investment, they say a child’s nappy takes a million years to break down in the soil – well a million years from now the soil might be glad of it.
TO READ THE REST OF THIS WEEK'S COLUMN GET YOURSELF A COPY OF THE MAYO ADVERTISER OR CHECK OUT PAGE 15 OF THE PDF EDITION AT http://www.mayoadvertiser.com
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