How to Handle the Bum Question

After the annual festive indulgences no doubt the Missus is feeling a little sensitive about her weight. She turns around and arches her back slightly, her jeans almost ripping at the seams, and asks:
Question: “Does my bum look big in this?”

Answer1: I can’t see because your fat arse is blocking out the light.
Consequence: Cold meals until March.

Answer2: Wow! Yes, but you know how I like a woman with a big ass.
Consequence: Cold meals for the rest of the week and you are watched like a hawk every time Majella Freebody cycles by the house.

Answer3: Are you sure those are the right jeans? They seem away too big for you.
Consequence: Even though she knows you’re lying through your teeth, she will feel much better. Warm meals and a if you’re lucky a bit of “dessert” too. (Warning: many men get to this stage only to make the cardinal error of slapping her big bottom and quoting some lines from a cowboy movie. Try to resist this, it could be fatal.)

For the rest of this week's Village Notes Column, get hold of a copy of the MAYO ADVERTISER.