The Fella on the right with the sheep.

Yes, that is indeed Georgie Gilmartin, he was a bit of a ponce I’ll give you that, but that picture doesn’t show him at his best or tell the whole story. It is true that he had not a sheep to his name but that is only because he was allergic to them and came out in a rash if one was near, and this was why he had to wear the cotton dresses.
If you look closely at the picture you will se a relation of your own Larry – Paddy the Fish. So called because he had not yet fully evolved. Sure my family were developing a tolerance for alternative cultures before your family had managed to crawl out of the swamp. Some say ye didn't get far from it anyways.
No offence.

The Garda Phone Prank

Tommy did you see where the local paper has just found out that someone played a trick on the guards with two mobile phones. Sure that was up on the internet on 25th December 2006 on http://www.gingerpixel.com You know what they say Tommy, better never than late.

How to Handle the Bum Question

After the annual festive indulgences no doubt the Missus is feeling a little sensitive about her weight. She turns around and arches her back slightly, her jeans almost ripping at the seams, and asks:
Question: “Does my bum look big in this?”

Answer1: I can’t see because your fat arse is blocking out the light.
Consequence: Cold meals until March.

Answer2: Wow! Yes, but you know how I like a woman with a big ass.
Consequence: Cold meals for the rest of the week and you are watched like a hawk every time Majella Freebody cycles by the house.

Answer3: Are you sure those are the right jeans? They seem away too big for you.
Consequence: Even though she knows you’re lying through your teeth, she will feel much better. Warm meals and a if you’re lucky a bit of “dessert” too. (Warning: many men get to this stage only to make the cardinal error of slapping her big bottom and quoting some lines from a cowboy movie. Try to resist this, it could be fatal.)

For the rest of this week's Village Notes Column, get hold of a copy of the MAYO ADVERTISER.

The Picture of the Fellow with the Sheep over there on the Right

Jasus Tommy, I was wondering for a long time where that picture over there on the right painted by my great great grandfather went. So it was you that had it all along. Of course you know that that's a picture of a distant uncle of yours in the red jacket. Georgie, all dressed up in his tights. He was a great man for coming around the back door was Georgie. You'd think from that picture he was one of that shower that lived above in the big house and only an aul' hovel at him warmed by the breath of his two pigs. They're not even his sheep in that painting, sure he hadn't a sheep to his name.