Quare goings on

There was pandemonium down the back road on Wednesday night and it all ended in tragedy. Someone smoked the two gay yanks out of Hackett’s place by stuffing a donkey jacket down the chimney in the middle of the night. When the lads emerged coughing and choking they were then met by someone covered in a white sheet wailing like the banshee. It was a frightening ordeal for them. The fat lad Billy got a massive heart attack and died in the ambulance on the way to hospital and Robbie who wears the pink dungarees is still fierce shook. He’s still in hospital getting treatment. Garda Xavier Macgillacuddy updated me yesterday on the current investigation:

“I can tell you Larry that I am following a definite line of enquiry on this one, I started by ruling everything in and then started ruling most of it out very quickly again. I have made dramatic progress but am unable to reveal my suspicions to any journalist for operational reasons. An arrest could be immanent and I’m hoping to send a file to the DPP, I never got a chance to send him a file before.
Speaking off the record Larry, I’m sure it was that young upstart Johnny Price that did it but sure if I named him in the paper he would only get a chance to do a runner, so I can’t tell you officially Larry.”