As ye know he wants to rebuild the church spire. Sure it’s very few priests who don’t want to leave some sort of construction after them. Sure wasn’t aul Fr. Flood responsible for the development of the football pitch and the car park. It was no harm calling the pitch after him; the feckin’ thing is waterlogged half the year. Rumour had it that Fr. Fiachra was going to do the full monty if he got enough sponsorship for the spire. Well I can tell ye now that that was only gossip among the aul’ wans. Didn’t Old Betty Brogan say she’d pay a week’s pension to see him and wouldn’t mind if she ended up having a stroke.
“I’ll definitely have a stroke if I get close enough.”
Anyway it’s not going to happen. Fr. Fiachra is organising a fund raising fashion show instead. He’s looking for models at the moment. Let ye contact him on the email: frfiachra@eircom.net
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Friday, March 2, 2007
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Suspended Sentence
Big Maggie Henderson received a two-month suspended prison sentence for assaulting Barry the stripper at the Valentine’s night party in Pa’s. She represented herself in court and claimed that she got all confused when he shook his exposed tackle at her.
“I thought it was the head of a turkey Judge and I lashed out at it. See I lost an eye two years ago when a turkey savaged me.”
Judge Matilda Divine said she took a very dim view of the matter and told Maggie that she should be at home saying her prayers with a hot water bottle beside the fire and not out ogling strippers in Pa’s.
“If you come to my attention again you’ll be doing time. You should be ashamed of yourself.”Barry is recovering well from the groin strain but had to wear a large coat in court to cover the swelling.
TO READ THE REST OF THIS WEEKS COLUMN CHECK OUT http://www.mayoadvertiser.com AND CLICK ON THE LINKS
“I thought it was the head of a turkey Judge and I lashed out at it. See I lost an eye two years ago when a turkey savaged me.”
Judge Matilda Divine said she took a very dim view of the matter and told Maggie that she should be at home saying her prayers with a hot water bottle beside the fire and not out ogling strippers in Pa’s.
“If you come to my attention again you’ll be doing time. You should be ashamed of yourself.”Barry is recovering well from the groin strain but had to wear a large coat in court to cover the swelling.
TO READ THE REST OF THIS WEEKS COLUMN CHECK OUT http://www.mayoadvertiser.com AND CLICK ON THE LINKS
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Ructions at Valentine's Night Party
The bus was on time, Pa’s was packed, the chips and cocktail sausages went down great and the strip show for the men worked a treat. Then Barry the Pole and Paul from down Pontoon way got up on stage. Well nearly all the men went out for a smoke at that stage except young Stevie Reilly from the Back Road and Marty Doheny: you wouldn’t mind Marty staying sure he’s stone mad.
Anyway the lads were giving it loads and no sooner had Barry the thong off but didn’t Big Maggie Henderson who was sittin’ at the front lunge at him like a thing possessed. She yanked, pulled and dragged him all over the place. Didn’t a few other pensioners start to join in at that stage. Poor aul’ Barry ended up with a ferocious groin strain and bad bruising in the tackle area. Dr. Mc Donald says it could take a month for the swelling to go down. Maggie was unrepentant and went home shouting ‘kill all turkeys,’ ‘kill all turkeys,’. She farmed turkeys for years until she lost an eye when one savaged her two years ago. She is up on an assault charge at next weeks court sitting.
TO READ THE REST OF THIS WEEK'S COLUMN GET YOURSELF A COPY OF THE MAYO ADVERTISER OR CHECK OUT http://www.mayoadvertiser.ie
Anyway the lads were giving it loads and no sooner had Barry the thong off but didn’t Big Maggie Henderson who was sittin’ at the front lunge at him like a thing possessed. She yanked, pulled and dragged him all over the place. Didn’t a few other pensioners start to join in at that stage. Poor aul’ Barry ended up with a ferocious groin strain and bad bruising in the tackle area. Dr. Mc Donald says it could take a month for the swelling to go down. Maggie was unrepentant and went home shouting ‘kill all turkeys,’ ‘kill all turkeys,’. She farmed turkeys for years until she lost an eye when one savaged her two years ago. She is up on an assault charge at next weeks court sitting.
TO READ THE REST OF THIS WEEK'S COLUMN GET YOURSELF A COPY OF THE MAYO ADVERTISER OR CHECK OUT http://www.mayoadvertiser.ie
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Valentine’s Night Party
There’s a big night in Pa Brophy’s next Wednesday night. There’s male and female strippers lined up, Pa will be laying on the cocktail sausages, chips, chicken wings and sandwiches. Terry Hafner, the pioneer, will be using the secondary school bus to do a round of the village and collect everyone at 9:30pm after the news and weather and dropping everyone home at 12:30am. He has promised to give the bus a bit of a clean but sure the smell of hormonal teenagers might stir some of ye up a bit. Ye have no feckin’ excuse for not turning up. Be at yer gates in time. Ye can drink as much as ye want. Cover charge is €3, sure you wouldn’t insult a child by giving them that for sweets these days. The Department of Education is sponsoring the bus but we’ll say no more about that.
TO READ MORE OF THIS WEEK'S COLUMN SEE http://www.mayoadvertiser.ie
TO READ MORE OF THIS WEEK'S COLUMN SEE http://www.mayoadvertiser.ie
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