Scraped through the Leavin'

Well done to Mike Fitzgerald, son of popular local couple Bridie and Mick Fitzgerald, on passing his leavin’ cert. Sure he’s the first in that family to pass it, the rest of them failed it in style. Fair play though the odds were against Mike from the start because it certainly wasn’t from Mike senior or Bridie he got the brains. But sure when all’s said and done what good is a pass in the leavin’ these days with young wans going around with eight A1’s at them, eight A1’s at them and they can hardly string two decent words of conversation together, full to the feckin’ neck with education. Sure they’ll probably end up as doctors, consultants, vets or senior civil servants: at least they’ll never need any social skills in those jobs.
Anyway Mike Fitz was out celebrating his pass in style. Fluthered, out of his mind above in Pa’s on Wednesday night, no one had the heart to ask him which university he was going to. Sure what harm is there in a few pints, it’s the drugs that are the killer.
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Bobby Daly's Leaving Do

Well there was a grand turn out for Bobby last Saturday night and there was a few women there very upset with the news he was headin’ to Thailand. Bridie Hanratty confided in Maggie McGudgen that she might have made a move on him if she knew he had ‘leavin’ in the head.’ It’s a cautionary tale, sure there’s far too many people wandering around this village in first gear like they’re waiting for a certain alignment of the planets or something to get them going. Its no rehearsal folks, let ye go for it and take the bull by the horns.

Marx: The Elephant in the Room?

Dear Larry,
Do you think is Marx still the elephant in the room?
Joey Carroll

Dear Joey,
I think I remember seeing a film about that one time but I think the elephant was in a bowl of soup or something. Apparently that Marx lad was a bit of a big awkward lout alright. The thing is Joey, elephants are afraid of mice so I’m just wondering if there was a mouse in the room also, and if there’s a mouse you can be sure there’s a trap somewhere and some cheese. And then of course what sort of a room is it and if God is everywhere then presumably he’s in the room also. But that Marx lad had no time for God. Apparently he used to say that going to mass was as good as takin’ drugs - he never went to one of Fr. Fiachra’s masses or he’d have a different story. Our local philosopher and intellectual Wally ‘the wart’ Walsh was tellin’ me that Marx was a drab enough aul character and wanted us all to live in a ‘classless society’. Well living in a place that has no class might have been good enough for him but he’s welcome to his depressing outlook.
So Paddy if he’s still hanging around in any rooms, then describing him as a big, depressing, grey, awkward lump is spot on. He wouldn’t be the partying sort and from what I hear his followers are about as exciting. They’d have a distinct tendency as Myles McPartlin puts it ‘to be lost up their own …’
Best of luck.
Larry.
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Women and Third Level Education

Sure the cost of education is only scandalous these days and look at the amount of women that are going on to third level, sure that’s a complete waste of tax payer’s money unless they’re Lesbians. They’ll surely end up changing nappies, probably working part time and only earning enough to get their hair done, keep a second hand car on the road and buy some make up and the odd bra and knickers – sure what sort of an investment is that? At least the lads will work long hours and earn decent money to support a family. The women would be better off learning how to snare a well off man and how to cook good wholesome meals for a family. Sure all them women going off to university are only a distraction for young lads and making the lads perform poorly in exams. I don’t want to be sexy about this so I suppose if the humour still hadn’t worn off them when they have raised the family, then that would be a good time to let them off to University. There could be something in what aul Pa Moore used to say:
‘an educated woman is a curse in any household and will only lead to more rows, givin’ out and loads of money wasted on useless stuff.’
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